Leo's Flowers
by JustMakeLeftTurns
Summary: Ever wonder what happened to Leo's father? Answer: Leo and his mom were abused by him. Leo suffered through depression and self-harm. Now, with his bionic siblings not believing him about Marcus, Leo starts slipping back into old habits.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lab Rats.**

* * *

_"Mom, I think the voice inside my head is back."_

_-Leo (Crush, Chop, and Burn)_

* * *

Leo rocked back and forth on the floor of his bedroom, staring into space. He was losing it, he was aware of that fact. He was trying so very hard not to. He breathed heavily, a few choked sobs escaping his mouth, before setting his jaw. He couldn't give in. Not now. He was fine. He'd been fine. There was no way he was going back to how he was before.

_They don't believe you_, Voice whispered in his head. Leo hiccupped in his attempt to keep quiet. He shut his eyes tightly. It wasn't real. It had never been real. It was just his imagination. Remember what his mom had told him. Remember what his therapist had told him. _And no wonder they don't. You're pathetic. But you already knew that._

Leo pressed his hands to his ears, desperately trying to silence the Voice, even while knowing it was no good. He continued to rock back and forth, although his actions were quickly becoming more erratic than soothing. But he couldn't go back. He was already a disappointment – no, no he wasn't! But maybe –

_You think you're so smart. You think you've won. But you haven't. You never got better. You never got over it. You're still worthless little Leo._

"Stop it," Leo whispered harshly. He started crying – silently, of course, because he didn't want anyone to see how stupid and useless he was – wait, no, his mom said –

_You think she cares? You think she's ever cared? She only cares about her new husband. She's replaced you. You're not important._

"Stop," Leo pleaded brokenly. He stopped rocking and pulled his legs up against his chest. He buried his head in his knees. It wasn't true, he tried to remind himself. It was all in his head. He just needed to tell his mom. His mom helped the last couple of times.

_You're so pathetic that you can't even handle a little problem on your own. You have to go crying to mommy. Adam, Bree, and Chase can handle going on missions to save the planet but you can't handle your own stupid emotions._

Leo felt his resolve breaking. The Voice made sense – and that was what scared him. He knew how this went. He knew what happened next. He didn't want to go back to that. But he couldn't deny the familiar itch, the familiar knot in his stomach.

He stood up and looked at his bedroom door. He should tell his mom. But then she would worry and would never let him out of her sight. Or worse, what if she told Adam, Bree, and Chase? No way would they want to talk to him then.

_They don't want to talk to you now. You're useless. They don't believe you about Marcus because they think you're stupid. How could you be right about something they don't know about first?_

Leo's fingers curled over the tops of his ears. "S-stop," he begged. His heart pounded. He felt the familiar need and the familiar fear spike. He needed it. He didn't want it.

Leo grabbed the sharpie he kept in his pocket at all times. With shaking fingers, he drew a messy flower on his wrist. It didn't help. Leo sobbed. It was supposed to help. Why didn't it help! Why didn't it work! Leo tried drawing another flower on his forearm. Still no relief. Leo threw the sharpie at the far wall.

"It's not working," he sobbed to himself, banging his head against the wall nearest to him. "It's not working."

_You know what you need_, the Voice taunted and soothed at the same time. Leo hated it. Leo loved it. Leo just wanted it gone. _You know how to get rid of me_.

Leo went over to his closet. On the highest shelf, in a dusty corner, in a box, in an old CD case with the words "You Can Do This" written on a sticky note on it, were razor blades and paperclips. As soon as he saw them, all resistance and hesitation and thinking about his mother disappeared. He grabbed one of the razor blades, pulled up his shirt, and brought the sharp edge to his stomach.

Leo wept as he cut line after line, not too deep, but it was enough. He was angry that he had done this. He was relieved that the Voice had gone. He was sad because he was back to where he'd begun. He was scared because he knew that he would do this again, and again, and again.

* * *

_8 years ago_

_Leo: age 6_

Leo hid under the kitchen table. His mommy had told him to go hide. The table had been the first place he'd thought of. He couldn't hear what his parents were saying, but he knew how nearly all of their conversations ended. He flinched, eyes wide, when he heard something glass break. Even after several years of this, he was still scared. But because it was nothing new, he knew how to keep quiet and hide.

He heard his daddy's raised voice, shouting bad words at his mommy. His mommy's voice was quiet, calm, soothing, but it didn't calm down his daddy. Leo stiffened when he heard a loud thump and his mommy yelp. He wanted to go help his mommy, but then he'd get hit, too. And his mommy had told him to stay away until daddy was asleep.

Leo heard the slaps from his daddy and the crying from his mommy. And then he heard his daddy's footsteps coming towards the kitchen. Leo didn't know what to do. He wanted to run up to his room and hide under his bed, but he was too scared to move. Maybe his daddy wouldn't see him.

But his daddy saw him, alright. His daddy shouted at him, calling him bad names that mommy promised him weren't true. His daddy pulled him out from under the table and pushed him onto the floor. Leo started crying, which only made daddy madder. Where was mommy?

Daddy got bored really fast. He tripped when he went to the living room. He fell asleep on the floor. Leo stayed still, scared that his daddy was pretending and he'd only get into more trouble. He didn't even know what he'd done this time, besides existing. Whatever that meant.

Leo went over to his mommy. She had owchies all over her and she was crying. When she saw him, she brought him into a gentle hug, saying sorry over and over, but Leo didn't know why she was saying sorry. Maybe she had done something bad that made daddy mad at them.

Mommy went into the bathroom. When she came out, the owchies were gone. It was like magic. But Leo knew that mommy was still sad. He found the last dinosaur bandaid and gave it to his mommy, telling her he loved her. He asked her why daddy was mad. She said the same thing she always did: his daddy was sick and didn't know what he was doing. As always, Leo believed her.

His mommy made him hot chocolate and gave him medicine to make his owchies stop hurting. He asked her why her owchies disappeared but his were still there. She didn't answer, only telling him that they had to go buy more sweaters and long-sleeve shirts for him. Leo didn't mind. As long as his mommy didn't hurt him, too, he didn't care.


	2. Chapter 2

Leo felt guilty. He'd only cut a few more lines that one time, but he knew it wasn't going to be long before it became only twice, and then only three times, and then only ten times, and on and on and on. He wanted to confess to his mom, the one person who had been with him throughout it all. She had been the one to pull him out of it the first two times. But what the Voice had said to him struck a nerve. He really did rely on his mom too much. He needed to sort out his emotions on his own.

He felt so guilty, though, that he couldn't eat at dinner. Only his mom seemed concerned about his lack of appetite. When no one else was looking, she shot him a look, as if to ask him if he was alright. He smiled as best as he could, trying to hide behind his fairly recent coping mechanism, and shot out a sarcastic comment on how the smell of the cooking made him lose his appetite.

He was pretty sure his mom didn't buy the excuse. After all, he always ate what was in front of him, no matter how disgusting it looked or smelled. Leo was positive that his mom was going to find out about his … accident … a lot sooner than he'd expected. Of course, she'd seen the signs twice now. A third time was unlikely to slip past her. So he did the logical thing; he avoided her – _Like a coward._

For the next few days, Leo avoided his mom as best as he could. He spent all of his time either at school, in the lab, or in his room. His room was his least favorite, because then he was alone with the Voice. At school, he could concentrate on worksheets and lectures and not getting bullied – _You're still bullied? Pathetic._ – and in the lab, he was distracted by all of the cool inventions and just hanging out with Adam, Bree, and Chase – _They don't really want you around. You're too human. Too normal. Too stupid to know anything. That's why they don't believe you._ – but in his bedroom, it was just him and the Voice.

Leo did his best to avoid cutting. He carried his sharpie on him at all times and drew flowers on his arms and legs, wearing jeans and long sleeves to hide them. But he was on his own this time, which meant that he was fighting a losing battle against himself. And he knew how the battle went.

Eddy made fun of him for all the flowers, which the computer saw whenever Leo showered. Leo used the water running down his face as a good cover to cry. He watched the flowers on his arms and legs fade and drip away every time his cleaned himself. He rubbed himself raw, accidentally opening a few of his cuts, which only spiked his need to hurt himself. Eddy never commented on the cuts, giving Leo the impression that the computer couldn't see him from a certain angle. For that, he was both disappointed and relieved.

Leo's fight against the Voice wavered. He tried to remember the techniques his therapist had told him, tried to remind himself of his mom, tried to make himself believe that his family loved him. In the end, though, after only four days, he stopped trying. He cut his stomach, right over the old scarred ones. And he cried.

He cried because he knew he was weak. He cried because he was ashamed of who he'd become, of who he used to be. He cried because he was guilty and he wanted so very badly to tell someone but at the same time he wanted to keep it a secret. He argued with himself over the issue for so long. He knew it was wrong, he knew the Voice wasn't real. He couldn't stop himself; he could never convince himself to go to his mom.

He managed to convince himself that his mom was better off not knowing, anyway.

* * *

_7 years ago_

_Leo: age 7_

Daddy was still sick. Leo had figured out that whatever was in those bottles – the stuff with the yucky smell – was making his daddy sick. Leo tried to tell his daddy that. After all, as soon as his daddy stopped drinking the bad stuff, then he would get better and wouldn't be mad all the time.

Daddy was mad when Leo brought it up. Daddy smacked him and broke his wrist. After a trip to the hospital, mommy told Leo not to mention the bad drink again. Leo didn't understand. If the bad stuff made daddy mad, then why can't daddy just stop drinking it? Mommy didn't have an answer for him.

One time, his daddy got a call from the school, telling him that they were concerned because Leo didn't have any friends and was afraid of the male teachers. Leo wasn't sure what his daddy said to that; he only knew that after that phone call, no teachers called home again. His daddy hit him and yelled at him, asking him why he was so beeping useless, why he was so stupid, if he wanted his daddy to get in trouble. Leo burst into tears, begging to be let go, saying that he loved his daddy and that he didn't want anyone to get in trouble.

Mommy entered the room, then, and pulled Leo away from his daddy. Mommy begged daddy to leave Leo alone, that he was just a kid. Daddy shouted at her and hit her more than usual. He threw her onto the floor and ripped her skirt. He unzipped his jeans, and that was when mommy told Leo to go to his room. Leo protested, but his mommy ordered him to run and plug his ears.

Leo stayed in his bedroom, but he didn't cover his ears. He didn't know what was happening. All he knew was that his mommy was screaming and begging for his daddy to stop – stop _what_? – and his daddy saying that she wanted it because she wanted him – but wanted _what_? Leo curled up in a ball in his closet to block out the screams and the grunts. He didn't know what was happening. This had never happened before. And it scared him.

His mommy never told him what happened, even when he asked. But whatever his daddy had done to mommy kept happening. It didn't happen as much as the hitting and the kicking, but sometimes, after his daddy had had a lot of the bad drink and was in a really bad mood, the screams and the grunts happened again. And every time, his mommy told him to leave the room.

Leo wished he knew what made his mommy hurt like that. He wished he knew how to make it better. He wished he knew how to make her stop crying. But he didn't, so he curled up in his closet with the bedroom door locked and cried, too.


	3. Chapter 3

Leo's mom was getting very suspicious. It had been three weeks since he'd started cutting again. Three weeks since his depression had returned. Three weeks since the Voice had begun making sense again. Leo wanted to tell her but didn't want to tell her. He was embarrassed, ashamed, guilty. He didn't want her hurt. He didn't want to admit what he was doing. So he did what he'd always done: withdrawn into himself – _Coward_.

He didn't talk to anyone unless he really had to. He was still sarcastic and cocky, but it was all an act – _They know it. They just don't care_. He didn't want anyone else getting suspicious, after all. But it was quickly becoming more and more difficult to resist cutting – _Why resist? You know you need it_. He didn't even bother with the flowers anymore. At school, he sometimes had to go to the bathroom and cut. He'd even risked it once in the lab when it was just him and he was sure Eddy wasn't about to pop up. He hated himself even more after that. He'd tainted the lab – _Pathetic. Useless. Worthless_.

His mom tried talking to him on several occasions, but Leo managed to avoid the questions. He was positive that she knew what was going on – this wasn't the first, or the second, time after all – but she never asked him directly, and he never gave her a straight answer. _She'll make you stop. And you don't want to stop, do you?_

His mom even got Mr. Davenport to try to talk to him. Leo thought it would be easy to throw off the man. After all, how much did he really know about Leo? _Nothing because he doesn't care about you. You're just his wife's son._ But after a lot of pushing and perhaps avoiding the questions one too many times, Leo figured out with a sinking stomach that he'd only made Mr. Davenport worried.

That earned him so many more cuts on his stomach and chest. But at least he silenced the Voice, at least temporarily.

* * *

_6 years ago_

_Leo: age 8_

No one ever asked about why he always wore long sleeves, so Leo thought that they either didn't care or that it was normal to be hit. After all, his daddy was sick and he was a bad boy for existing. His mommy told him it wasn't true, but Leo guessed that she just didn't want him to feel sad.

Leo didn't have any friends at school. They all teased him about his height or about how smart he was. They pushed him on the playground a couple times, but that was something he was used to. So once, Leo pushed back. The other boy started crying and Leo got in trouble. But Leo didn't understand. Wasn't pushing and hurting others part of life? Maybe he was doing it wrong?

Leo tried fighting back against the other boys a few more times. Each time, he was the one who got in trouble. So Leo decided that his place was to be the one hit, not to be the hitter. So he took the pushes and shoves from the other boys, tolerated the insults, and let others copy his homework and steal his lunch money. It had to be how the world was, right?


End file.
